I'm Back I'm Back I'M BACK!

Hello to all my long lost friends out there in the blogging world! Well, I guess I was the one who was "long lost." My husband asked me the other night why I hadn't been blogging in a while, which totally surprised me because Mr. Red Head is not the world's biggest fan of spending undue amounts of time on the internet. (And don't even get him started about the television!) Originally, I had only planned on taking a few days off from blogging to clear my head and deal with the millions of things that seemed to start piling high on me. Blogging is great, but we've dealt with more things in the past two months than I think I have in my entire lifetime. Without boring you with all of the obnoxious details, I will give you a quick list of how life has gotten in the way of blogging:
Our house had a natural gas leak from the furnace, then our house had a carbon monoxide leak from the hot water heater, black mold in the bathroom, spending nearly three weeks at my parents house because our house was too dangerous to go back to, I fell out of a chair onto hard floor (bad anytime, especially when pregnant!), going to the doctor because of the natural gas/carbon monoxide/black mold, going to the doctor because of the fall, finally hearing that WE GOT THE HOUSE!, hearing at the last minute that there was a counteroffer of an extra $10,000, going through mortgage paperwork TWICE, a pinched nerve in my back that makes walking impossible at times, having insane and painful Braxton Hicks contractions, going to the doctor for the contractions, living the next three months with almost nonstop contractions, bank fraud, getting the bank fraud fixed, bank fraud again, getting called for jury duty, the violent outbreak in Kyrgyzstan and overthrowing of the government (Red Head and I both lived in KG for summers during college and still have so many friends and loved ones there) and dealing with ten million other things that seem way too grown up and serious for me to deal with. But, in all of these things, the Lord has taken wonderful care of us and we have seen His provision in awesome ways! Like my wise husband always tells me, these are just opportunities to trust!

There! Will you forgive me now for my absence? Thanks. I think I deserve a break! :) But, alas, I digress. I am back and hope to continue to update the blog as much as possible. I promise that I will continue with the Proverbs 31 Challenge, but it will be a few days before I wrap my head around getting back to that.

So, like I said earlier, Red Head and I got great news about two weeks ago that we got our affordable dream house. The day before we were supposed to close, we got the bad news that the seller's mortgage company had sent in a last minute counteroffer, bringing the sale price up ten thousand smackeroos. Ouch. While we have decided to go forward in the process, we were pretty burned by this. It was hard news to take but we still feel like this is the house that the Lord has been pointing us to throughout the whole search process and I am really looking forward to moving in and calling it home!

In two weeks, Red Head and I will be celebrating our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! That's one year of marriage and three years being together! It is hard to believe that I have been Mrs. Red Head for a whole year. It seems like just yesterday we were on our first date. Now three years later, we are expecting our first child and buying our first home. It certainly has been a BIG first year of marriage for us and I can't wait to see what the future will bring!

A few months into marriage, Red Head and I were looking over our finances and trying to come up with a few goals. We had a pretty hefty school loan that we were paying off in small bits every month, but we really had the desire to knock it out as soon as possible. We decided that the debt had to be gone by our one year anniversary and guess what- we are about $8,000 away! After we close on the house, 99% of the money that we have will go straight to the debt, paying it off before our deadline of April 25, 2010. Does this worry me? You better believe it. We will be putting practically everything we own towards a down payment, closing costs, and the school debt all within a two week time frame. We have crunched the numbers and we know that we will still have enough to pay our bills and eat for the next few weeks, but I can say it will be one of the leanest times in life that I have ever experienced. Yeah, I'm nervous. I know we can do it, but I sure do love the feeling of having that cushy amount in savings just in case. (The good thing is that we should be getting the tax credit soon after closing so that will help fluff up the accounts once again.)

After Red Head and I talked (and fought) this issue over extensively, I really came to see his point. Proverbs 22:7 says, "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." We are TIRED of sending our hard earned money to the government every month and watching the interest just pile up. While I am thankful that Red Head was able to receive this loan during college so that he could get an education (and meet me!), I am ready to be done with it! And that is exactly our goal for the next two weeks- buy a house and pay off this school loan. Crazy? Yes! Smart? Maybe not. Wise? You better believe it! Just as Mr. Red continues to tell me, the Lord will bless our efforts in trying to glorify Him with our money and just as He has ALWAYS taken care of us, He will continue to do so!

So, sorry ladies, you won't find me in the mall for a while. And I probably won't be able to go out to eat or to the movies for a while. We've got a tight budget to adhere to! But pretty soon, I'll be debt free. And with Little Red Head coming in just 15 short weeks, having that extra money in the bank every month is going to feel very nice.

Speaking of Little Red Head, I wanted to give you a quick update. Today we are officially at 25 WEEKS! In just two weeks I will be leaving the blessed second trimester and entering the third and final trimester of this pregnancy. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions for the past week or so but over the last few days, they have been pretty regular. After freaking out and scouring every pregnancy website I could find, we went to the doctor on Tuesday to have the two of us checked out. Cervix and everything is great, exactly where it needs to be and no signs yet of labor. Praise the Lord! Little Red Head is up to one pound and twelve ounces (and mom is up 19 pounds! eeek)! We have got ourselves a chunky baby coming! Red Head says he wants a ten pounder, to which I must continually remind him that my small frame could not possible push out a 10 lb baby and if I have to have a C-section, his life will not be very pleasant. I am still planning on doing natural childbirth so I would like a small five or six pound baby. :) But, OF COURSE, we will both be thrilled with our precious child no matter the size, gender or hair color. (But momma says Please be small!) The doctor said that the contractions will likely continue this way until we get to D-Day and that I am probably feeling them more than other women at this point in the pregnancy because of my small frame and the fact that I didn't have much pudge on my tummy to begin with so I can feel pretty much everything that is going on. Oh well, at least that means I get to feel this wonderful baby squirm and play all day. And hey, maybe after delivery we'll see that I have gotten six pack abs from all the ab workouts that these contractions are giving me! Gotta look on the bright side, right?

So, what is up next for our family? Packing, waiting for an official closing date, trying to decide which cloth diapers to order, more couponing, and living on our budget! To everyone in Memphis, hope you have a wonderful and beautiful weekend and enjoy this weather now that most of the pollen has been washed away!

I'M BACK!

Proverbs 31 Challenge- Day Three

Happy snow day again to all of you who are blessed enough to live in the Memphis area. While I am back at work today, I am trying to remember that there is still snow on the ground and that is reason enough to celebrate. Seriously, I love snow. For those of you who don't know, we got a surprise snow yesterday in the very early morning hours so I got to stay home from work and enjoy the snow with my hubby. I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing day like we did! But now, on to...

Day Three

"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

Ok, ladies, if this verses doesn't knock you in your stomach a bit, you need to look into a mirror! A friend of mine, whom I lovingly refer to as my twin because we are so much alike, reminded me yesterday that Proverbs 31 is "not a yardstick for women to measure themselves by, but the goal in which all women should be moving to." Remember that today and let's get moving towards that goal!

The dictionary defines "good" as morally excellent, virtuous (does that sound familiar?), of high quality, well behaved, kind, genuine, sound, reliable, responsible, beneficial, cheerful, free of distress or pain, agreeable, pleasant, and a million other ways. Just take a look at those few descriptive words for a moment. Do you resemble any of them in regards to your husband? Most of them? None of them?

Now let's look at the definition of evil: morally wrong or bad, wicked, harmful, bad character or conduct, marked by anger or irritability, harm, mischief, and a lot more. Do any of these qualities sound like you in regards to your relationship with your husband? The words in bold were done on purpose- because they remind me of myself. Ouch.

The Word says here to do your husband good and not evil all the days of your life. Every single day. There are no exceptions cited here. That means to do him good (and not evil) even when you are having the world's worst day, when you are cramping and bloating with PMS, when you are pregnant and losing your mind, when he is mean to you, and even when he doesn't deserve it. When you are a newlywed. When you've been married ten years, fifty years, and sixty years. All of our days. Seven days a week. No holidays. Does that sound like a full time job to you? Me too. But let's go a little bit deeper into what this really means for us.

I found an explanation of this verse that I really like here. It says, "The virtuous woman deals out to her husband that which is good. She dishes out to him and serves him that which is good and not evil. She wants only God's highest and best for him. Her life and her deeds are a constant benefit and blessing to her husband. In doing good to her husband she is consistent. She doesn't serve him that which is good one day and that which is evil the next day. Her husband can count on her to do him good and to be a blessing to him. He can count on her to do this today, five days from now, one year from now, ten years from now, and all the days of her life. She is not up and down, hot and cold. Her godliness is marked with consistency. " That sounds awesome to me, the kind of wife and woman I want to be.

We are called to good to and for our husbands. But what on earth does that mean? I don't think I can just give you a list of good things to do for your husband every day. You know him better than anyone else. What would encourage him? How can you best bless him each day? Is there something you can help him with? Take over for him so he can spend his time on other things? I think we should sit down, brainstorm, and come up with ways to good for our husbands. Ways to bless them. And while we are doing that, I think it is only appropriate that we also brainstorm things that we need to stop doing that would be considered doing evil to our husbands. No, I'm not saying you have a voodoo doll of your husband hidden somewhere or something outlandishly evil, but sin is sin. Do you speak negatively about your husband to others? Do you put him down in public or in private? Do you spend the family money unwisely or selfishly? Do you watch things that you know he would disapprove of? Are you constantly angry at him or causing strife in your marriage? Make a list! Write it down! And then give both of these lists to the Lord so that He can do the work through you! But don't think that this little exercise won't cost you anything. If you have been following along with is the first two days, you know it is going to cost you something. Your pride, your hidden sin, your time, your heart. There is a price to pay. But with the Lord, you'll always have what it takes to pay the price, because He has already paid the ultimate price for us!

The challenge today: Make those lists! Write down what in your marriage is evilness that needs to be dealt with. And write down ways you can do your husband good. And remember, this is an everyday thing. Not just Valentine's Day or on the weekends or when you feel like it. May we be the women who do our husbands good and not evil all of our lives!

Here is a sneak peek at a few things from my list. My hubby reads this blog so I will only give you a snippet, I don't to spoil surprises for him!

To do Him Good:
Have his shirts ironed and lunches packed in the morning
To continue to "frugalize" my expenses
Send him encouraging texts each day
Read with him everyday
Encourage him 24/7
Ask questions!
Play the guitar and sing with him
Keep the furnace on as low as possible :)
Make friend time a priority
Get out of my comfort zone
Dance in public with him
Drink as much water as humanly possible
Leave my bad attitude and complaining at the door!

And Not Evil
Stop blaming him for my waking up late (ridiculous, I know!)
Keep unwholesome words out of my mouth and our conversations (Eph. 4:29)
Set nothing evil before my eyes (Psa 101:3)
Do not turn on my laptop at any point before reading the Word in the morning
Don't watch or listen to things I know he would not approve of
Divert my eyes from any other man, attractive or not
Don't complain or grumble
Be patient!!

I hope that you all are encouraged by the Lord today. Thanks for spending a few moments with me on this journey! May the Lord shine His face upon us and grow us!

Proverbs 31 Challenge- Day Two

For any of you who were disappointed by my absence and lack of Day Two yesterday, I apologize. It was not my best of days. It was more like a pregnant-hormonal-meltdown kind of a day. But, alas, day two has arrived....

Day Two

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain." Proverbs 31:11


This is what the Matthew Henry Concise Commentary has to say about this verse: "She can be trusted, and he will leave such a wife to manage for him. He is happy in her. And she makes it her constant business to do him good." I love this. Who wouldn't want their husbands to feel this way about them?

Apparently it was a common ancient practice that men would lock up the valuables in their homes to keep their own wives from stealing from them. I can't imagine Red Head locking up his valuables when he left the house or went to sleep, being so distrustful of me. Though it seems hard to imagine in our culture, it was a reality for many in the past. This verse is exhorting women to be much more than the normal, run of the mill wife who may or may not steal from her husband. It is calling us to be women in whom our husbands hearts can trust wholly and completely.

Are you giving your husband reasons to trust you? Are you wise with your finances or do you take every opportunity to run to Target for the newest nothing that you simply can't live without? Are you wise with your time or do you spend hours in front of the tv, computer, etc. instead of spending time talking with your spouse? Are you wise about the company you keep? The things you read and watch? These are tough questions but we have to ask them of ourselves if we are to become modern day Proverbs 31 women. And I mean that in the least corny way possible. :)

Like Matthew Henry's commentary, do you make it your constant business to do your husband good? I will be the first to admit that I fail horribly at this. Most of the time, what I mean for good gets diverted by my own selfish nature. Let him pick up his own socks! That will teach him! But what does that really mean, to constantly make it your business to do your husband good? To me, it means tempering each action with the thought of how it will affect my husband. Will it hurt him? Honor him? And it also means transforming our selfish me-centered minds into minds that think about our husbands FIRST. Ouch, that one is t-o-u-g-h. Think about ways you can bless your husband. Whether it is doing something small like ironing his shirt for work or making his favorite dinner after a stressful day at the office, think about his needs and wants. Now, you need to know that this is going to be uncomfortable. It is going to mean letting go of your wants in place of his. Putting his needs before your own. Make it your constant business to do him good. Dream up ways to do this during the day. Plan. And then put those plans into action!

When Red Head and I got married, I took on his last name. I did not keep mine. It isn't my middle name, either. Although I love my maiden name, it was important for me to create this new identity with my husband. We both left our own families and became a new family, we became one. I think about my new last name a lot, even though it isn't so new anymore. To me, there is great pride in being called by my husband's name. I am forever identified by his name now. I have a new identity because of our covenantal marriage. And now that I am called by his name, I carry the weight of it. I have the power to bring honor or shame to our family and to my husband's name. Whether you know it or not, your husband can and will be measured by the woman and wife that you are. You have the power to make him more honorable and worthy in the public eyes and you have the power to disgrace him like no one else can. I don't say this to scare you, but to show you how powerful your influence in your husbands life really is.

I will give you one small example. I try to pack a lunch for my husband each day so that he doesn't have to buy a meal at work. This is partly because I'm frugal, but mostly because my mother taught me that is just what you do. She made lunches for us and daddy. It was never a "fend for yourself" culture in our home growing up and that's not what I want for our new family! I feel like a million dollars when my Red Head comes home and tells me about how all the guys at work ask him, "What's for lunch today? What did your wife pack you? My wife never makes lunch for me!" That is the best reward to me- not that I received praise, but that my husband's colleagues saw just one more reason to respect him- because he has a wife that adores him and does a simple task like making lunch for him.

Finally, what does it mean that he will have no lack of gain? For me, this goes back to finances first. When we got married, I quickly learned that Target could no longer be my best friend. Not if I wanted a marriage that lasted. Although it has been a hard and long process of working through my own consumer mindset, I have come to find that being frugal in spending is a big deal to my husband. I love the high fives I get when I tell Red Head that I got our loaf of bread for free this week with coupons or that I trimmed another $5 off of the weekly grocery bill. And this is just one more way that I show my husband that he can trust me with his whole heart (and his wallet). Are you taking steps to be frugal? If not, why not start now? It doesn't mean being stingy or a scrooge with money. It means being smart with your money- do you really need those new jeans or another trip to starbucks this week? We live by the standard of being frugal with ourselves and generous with others. And in turn, the Lord is ALWAYS generous with us; not because we deserve it but because He is such a loving Father.

The challenge today: Search out ways to show your husband that you are a woman worth trusting. Be wise with your finances, time, and heart. Even better, ask him what areas he sees that you could improve upon. And don't be mad if he gives you an honest answer! Be humble and take his advice. Rest assured that your husband loves you and wants the best for you, and sometimes that might mean stepping on your toes. Do not lash back at him with things he can improve upon! If you aren't willing to hear the answer, then don't ask the question! Also, make it your constant business to do him good. Dream up ways to do this during the day. Plan. And then put those plans into action! Thirdly, are you adding to or subtracting from your husband? Seek ways to build him up, bring him honor. If there are areas where you are bringing or could possible bring dishonor to him, deal with those issues. And seek ways to add to his wealth by thrift. Talk about making a budget if you don't already have one. And remember, a virtuous woman is hard to find. Will you be one of the diamonds in the ruff?

Proverbs 31 Challenge- Day One

Now I know that there are some of you who read the title of this post that immediately grumbled within yourselves, "Ugh, Proverbs 31. How many times have we heard that one before? Get some new material! That is so overused and way too outdated!" Well, sorry ladies, but it happens to be one of my favorite passages in Scripture, even though it is like getting punched in the stomach every time I read it. There is just SO much to this chapter and the section on "The Virtuous Wife." Since I have read these verses a million and three times and still have yet to really internalize much of it, I have decided to start a 21 day (or longer) challenge not just to merely learn the verses, but also to put each of them into practice. If you would, I would love for you to join me. You don't have to be married, you don't have to be a mother, you just need to be female. :)

Each day, I will have one verse from Proverbs 31:10-31 and some simple ideas on what it means and how we can live it out!

Day 1

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

The dictionary defines "virtuous" as morally excellent, upright, good, chaste. Whether or not these words describe you now, they can. Even if you don't have a "virtuous" past, there is still hope! We as Christian women are called to be virtuous, that means we need to be chaste, morally excellent. To me, that means being above reproach, or keeping yourself from any form of evil that could ensnare you. That means dressing modestly so as not cause a man to stumble by looking at you lustfully, speaking words of truth and not gossiping, being careful of the images and thoughts that you take in from the media (especially the moves and TV shows we watch and the magazines we read). It also means respecting your husband at all times- in your actions and words with other people, especially men. Now, like I said, you don't have to be married for Proverbs 31 to speak to you. Even if you are single, it is still your job to honor your husband, even if you don't have one yet! Most people do get married, and as a young woman, it is up to you to honor your future husband by keeping pure relationships. And for those who don't get married, it is STILL your job to respect your husband. Isaiah 54:5 says, "For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name..." So, ladies, there is no getting away from that point, sorry!

Being virtuous encompasses a million different aspects of our lives. We must search out every facet of our lives and discover if we are being virtuous in those areas. If you are- amen, sister! If not, by the grace of the Lord, He can transform you if you are willing.

Why does verse ten ask "who can find a virtuous wife?" Well, probably because they are so few and far between. You don't have to look far to find sad stories and examples of women who steal, cheat, lie, murder, and destroy their own families. Sure, most women walking down the street or sitting in the pews with you in church aren't going home and literally destroying their homes or families, but I bet if you look deep enough, you will see that we all have destructive characteristics. Left untamed, those could be the very downfall of our lives, marriages, and families.

"For her worth is far above rubies." Or in our society, we might say she is worth more than diamonds, Range Rovers, real estate, iPhones, or whatever else we place high value on. The virtuous woman is worth way more than the most precious of stones. That means she is extremely useful and valuable. Are you useful or valuable to the people around you? Do you sit around like a bump on a pickle all day or do you create value, working and helping? A pretty face won't make you valuable. Your service to others will.

The challenge today: Ask the Lord to help you search out your heart to find destructive patterns and behaviors. Give them to Him. No matter how small or inconsequential they may seem to you, I promise you they aren't. It all starts with one glance at the sinful fruit. Also, search out all the different facets of your life and personality and seek out ways to be a virtuous woman in each. And finally, are you valuable or useful to others? If not, seek ways to help others and add value to other people's lives in the ways that God has gifted you.

The Act(ion) of Submission

My husband (from now on I will call him Red Head) and I have been together for almost three years. We have been married for almost nine months. And boy have I learned a few things since that first date...

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. " Ephesians 5:22-24

This is the single most baffling piece of Scripture I have found concerning relationships. And it haunts me, daily. Although I have a million examples of this being true in my own life, I'd like to share my newest example which came just hours ago.

My husband and I are expecting our first child at the end of July. We are thrilled beyond words but we also realize that there is a lot of work to do before this new one joins our family. One big thing we are working on is buying our first home. We are currently renting a house near the university we both graduated from and although it has been a wonderful first home for our new family, we are in desperate need of space. The baby, who we lovingly refer to as Jiji (which means baby in a Central Asian language), is going to need a room some places to play! So, we have started our house search with a vengeance and have thankfully already been preapproved. I started noticing that my husband and I were choosing homes in two very different locations. And therein lies the problem- he wants one area, I want another and neither of us wants to budge. Everything came to ahead this morning when we got the preapproval information from our mortgage company and the whole deal suddenly became much more real. We can really get the money, we can really buy a house now. But where? Which house? Which area? Which neighborhood? Which school district? The questions were suddenly innumerable. And that of course turned into a huge fight.

I must tell you now, I have the most incredible husband to ever walk the face of this earth. Anyone who can put up with me, love me, forgive me, deal with me, calm me down, talk sense into me, and just plain handle me for the rest of his life deserves more awards and accolades than I can say. He is amazing, loving, thoughtful, caring, trustworthy, patient, forgiving, wonderful. That is my husband. So, when I tell you that we got into a huge fight about this house hunting issue, you can safely and reasonably assume that this fight consisted of my yelling and his calmness. Which drives me crazy. He is calm when I am anything but calm. As you can see, we are a perfect duo. A perfect compliment to one another.

I tried so hard to tell Red Head that I am right! I am the voice of reason! You NEED to listen to me! What I want is best for us! I know more about this than you do!

... and boy was I wrong.

I could hear myself saying all of these terrible things to my husband. I could hear the disrespectful words seeping out of my smug attitude. And the weight of it all fell on me just moments after I hung up on him for the fifteenth time... submission.

The LORD tells us plainly in Ephesians that we are to submit to our husbands just as we submit to Him. Ouch. That sounds so nice and lovely until you realize that you are submitting to another human being! Someone who has faults and deficiencies. Someone who sins! It can be hard enough to submit to the LORD and He is perfect! But submit to an imperfect person? How on earth am I supposed to do that?

Well, how are we able to do anything that the LORD asks of us - He supplies the ability and the heart to do it. Ephesians 5 goes on to say that just as Christ is head of the church, our husband is our head. And just as the church submits to the authority of Christ, we are submit to the authority of our husband. But here is the most important part to me- I am not to submit to my husband because he is smarter than me or because he is better than me. I am to submit to him because the LORD says to. End of story. Game over. The end. It does not matter how smart or dumb my husband is, it doesn't matter if I know more about a particular subject, I am to submit to him. You may be saying, "But WHY?! That is so unfair when I know more!" Well, true, you may know more about something, but you are not the head. Your husband is the head. And the final decisions for your family rest on him. And the consequences of those decisions, good or bad, rest on him, too.

So, today, after my huge meltdown over neighborhoods and school districts, and how my husband just didn't understand... I had to let go. I had to. I cannot read the Word and skip over this part. I can't pretend that this passage isn't there. My husband is my head. That is his God-ordained roll. And instead of fighting him for that leadership position, I had to step back, take up the banner of submission, and ask for my husband's forgiveness. Red Head is now back in charge, his rightful place as my husband and as the head of our household. He is now the principal house hunter, deal finder, information researcher, and overall decision maker. Yes, I know he will ask for my help along the way, which I appreciate. And yes, I know that he will ask for my opinions along the way, which I adore about him. My husband, the godly man that he is, is in control, but he knows that the LORD has given me to him for a reason. I can help him with my knowledge, expertise, and intuition. Separately, we are not a family, not a household. We are nothing on our own. But together, we are one. The LORD, Red Head, and I are one. The math may be confusing, but it's true. And it's high time that I start supporting him in a way that shows him and the world that he is my head and it is my honor to submit to him.