The Act(ion) of Submission

My husband (from now on I will call him Red Head) and I have been together for almost three years. We have been married for almost nine months. And boy have I learned a few things since that first date...

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. " Ephesians 5:22-24

This is the single most baffling piece of Scripture I have found concerning relationships. And it haunts me, daily. Although I have a million examples of this being true in my own life, I'd like to share my newest example which came just hours ago.

My husband and I are expecting our first child at the end of July. We are thrilled beyond words but we also realize that there is a lot of work to do before this new one joins our family. One big thing we are working on is buying our first home. We are currently renting a house near the university we both graduated from and although it has been a wonderful first home for our new family, we are in desperate need of space. The baby, who we lovingly refer to as Jiji (which means baby in a Central Asian language), is going to need a room some places to play! So, we have started our house search with a vengeance and have thankfully already been preapproved. I started noticing that my husband and I were choosing homes in two very different locations. And therein lies the problem- he wants one area, I want another and neither of us wants to budge. Everything came to ahead this morning when we got the preapproval information from our mortgage company and the whole deal suddenly became much more real. We can really get the money, we can really buy a house now. But where? Which house? Which area? Which neighborhood? Which school district? The questions were suddenly innumerable. And that of course turned into a huge fight.

I must tell you now, I have the most incredible husband to ever walk the face of this earth. Anyone who can put up with me, love me, forgive me, deal with me, calm me down, talk sense into me, and just plain handle me for the rest of his life deserves more awards and accolades than I can say. He is amazing, loving, thoughtful, caring, trustworthy, patient, forgiving, wonderful. That is my husband. So, when I tell you that we got into a huge fight about this house hunting issue, you can safely and reasonably assume that this fight consisted of my yelling and his calmness. Which drives me crazy. He is calm when I am anything but calm. As you can see, we are a perfect duo. A perfect compliment to one another.

I tried so hard to tell Red Head that I am right! I am the voice of reason! You NEED to listen to me! What I want is best for us! I know more about this than you do!

... and boy was I wrong.

I could hear myself saying all of these terrible things to my husband. I could hear the disrespectful words seeping out of my smug attitude. And the weight of it all fell on me just moments after I hung up on him for the fifteenth time... submission.

The LORD tells us plainly in Ephesians that we are to submit to our husbands just as we submit to Him. Ouch. That sounds so nice and lovely until you realize that you are submitting to another human being! Someone who has faults and deficiencies. Someone who sins! It can be hard enough to submit to the LORD and He is perfect! But submit to an imperfect person? How on earth am I supposed to do that?

Well, how are we able to do anything that the LORD asks of us - He supplies the ability and the heart to do it. Ephesians 5 goes on to say that just as Christ is head of the church, our husband is our head. And just as the church submits to the authority of Christ, we are submit to the authority of our husband. But here is the most important part to me- I am not to submit to my husband because he is smarter than me or because he is better than me. I am to submit to him because the LORD says to. End of story. Game over. The end. It does not matter how smart or dumb my husband is, it doesn't matter if I know more about a particular subject, I am to submit to him. You may be saying, "But WHY?! That is so unfair when I know more!" Well, true, you may know more about something, but you are not the head. Your husband is the head. And the final decisions for your family rest on him. And the consequences of those decisions, good or bad, rest on him, too.

So, today, after my huge meltdown over neighborhoods and school districts, and how my husband just didn't understand... I had to let go. I had to. I cannot read the Word and skip over this part. I can't pretend that this passage isn't there. My husband is my head. That is his God-ordained roll. And instead of fighting him for that leadership position, I had to step back, take up the banner of submission, and ask for my husband's forgiveness. Red Head is now back in charge, his rightful place as my husband and as the head of our household. He is now the principal house hunter, deal finder, information researcher, and overall decision maker. Yes, I know he will ask for my help along the way, which I appreciate. And yes, I know that he will ask for my opinions along the way, which I adore about him. My husband, the godly man that he is, is in control, but he knows that the LORD has given me to him for a reason. I can help him with my knowledge, expertise, and intuition. Separately, we are not a family, not a household. We are nothing on our own. But together, we are one. The LORD, Red Head, and I are one. The math may be confusing, but it's true. And it's high time that I start supporting him in a way that shows him and the world that he is my head and it is my honor to submit to him.