When Two Became Three

"The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD." Proverbs 16:1

I had everything planned out, down to the smallest and most minute details. I knew exactly how I wanted things to go, exactly how I wanted my experience to unfold...

...It wasn't at all like I had planned. In fact, just about every single one of my "plans" or "requests" never came to fruition. No, it wasn't at all like I had planned- it was much better. And I wouldn't change one second of it for the whole world. Let me start at the beginning...

I woke up the morning of July 21, 2010 with contractions around 5:00am. Unfortunately, I had spent many a morning (especially the wee AM hours) waking up to contractions and I'd had gotten my hopes up one too many times to get too excited about these contractions. I had been having a mixture of Braxton Hicks and real contractions, but they never lasted, never got more painful, never got closer together (aka- they were never REAL labor contractions!). But on that morning, I woke up in pain and thus began the contraction dance of getting up to go to the bathroom, pacing the room, bending, squatting, stretching- you name it, I did it. In all my commotion, I woke up my husband who proceeded to try to snuggle the contractions out of me. As I settled back down, the contractions just picked back up. So, sweet Red Head advised me to take a warm shower to relax my muscles. We had our 39 week OBGYN appointment that morning so I needed to get ready anyway.

While in the shower, I remember thinking that we would never make it to our 9:40 appointment; surely I would be in active labor by then and we would be on our way to the hospital. Right? No, wrong again. As the hour hand on the clock moved from 5 to 9, my contractions started to space out and get less and less intense. My hopes were dashed again! Since I was still pretty uncomfortable from the contractions, my precious husband offered to drive me to the doctors appointment (normally we took two cars so he could go straight to work afterwards). As I signed in, the same sweet receptionist that I saw every week asked, "So are we having a baby today?" "Whew, I hope so!" was my reply. There were no other words to describe the depths of my longing and supreme impatience for our baby to make its arrival. I had checked out of the pregnancy hotel and was ready to move into Mommyville. After that little conversation, it was the same old, same old. Sign in, wait in the lobby, pee in a cup, step on the scales, blood pressure check, and into a room. The nurse asked me how I was feeling and I mentioned the contractions to her but she seemed pretty unphased. Maybe that was because I'd been having contractions for the past four months and she thought I was crying wolf again.

When the doctor walked in briskly with a nurse, I thought maybe my comment had scored me the golden ticket. But once he said, "I'm going to check you for progress really quick because they are waiting for me outside to sing happy birthday to someone so I will run out there and them come back so we can talk" I knew there was NOTHING special about the day. I wasn't in labor. I was just a big old pregnant lady. Thirty-nine weeks and five days. Yes, I was sure that I would be pregnant forever.

Once our doctor (who we love!) checked me, he informed me that no progress had been made in the last week. Still two centimeters and 50-75% effaced. Ouch. My hopes hadn't just been dashed, they had been drop kicked, punched, exploded, and hung out to dry. Once the doctor's singing gig was over, he came back in to talk to us about our options for inducing. I shuddered when I heard the word. Induce. He was going to have to make my baby come out. I wasn't pleased with the news, but I also wanted to do what was best for our baby, so we scheduled an ultrasound and a non-stress test for the following Monday so we could make our induction plans with all the information we would need.

After the appointment, with my head hung down low and still having contractions, my husband informed me that he was taking the day off to stay with me since I wasn't feeling well. Apparently he knew something that I didn't! We decided that walking would be the best thing for me to get things progressing so we headed to Walmart and Costco so we could stay in the air conditioning. (Side note- I had spent the past week and a half walking outside everyday in the excruciating Memphis heat- our heat indexes got up to 130 degrees several times. That was the depths of my despair- walking for miles and miles in the heat advisory. No other human was stupid enough to be outside, no one but crazy me!)

After walking and walking and contracting and contracting, I was starving. Red Head insisted that we eat spicy foods, since everyone says hot food induces labor. Again, he must have known something that I didn't! We went to Las Delicias and I ate as much spicy green salsa as I could handle. We had such a fun time eating and talking that I forgot my worries and let loose from nine months of pregnant frustration. At last, I was happy. I was with my husband, having fun, and the baby would come when it was good and ready.

I think spicy food was the cherry on top to make Baby Woods good and ready. :)

By the time we got home from our lunch date, my contractions had revved up to an uncomfortable degree. I went to bed to relax and they only got worse. Weird, huh? They always slowed down when I relaxed. My husband had downloaded a "Contraction Timer" app on his iPhone so we started timing contractions around 1:00pm, a good eight hours after they had begun. The next few hours are all a blur for me. I remember lying in bed, feeling a contraction coming on, beating my computer with the iPhone to call for Red Head's help, timing the contractions and being exhausted in between. That pattern went on for the next several hours, with Red Head running in and out of the room (he was working from home on a few things that he needed to tie up at work). A few hours into it, I began to feel a huge pressure on my lower back, the most excruciating pain I had ever felt- MUCH worse than the contractions. That's right, you guessed it-back labor. I am convinced that back labor is the ultimate curse that God laid upon womankind when Adam and Eve sinned. I was able to get through the contractions with everything we had learned from our Bradley book, but the back labor was all together a different kind of beast. Sweet hubby rubbed my back, applied counter pressure, everything he could to help. At times I was yelling for him to rub harder, then yelling for him to not touch me at all. Poor guy. But he held in there, stayed by my side, and saw me through every contraction.

At 6:00pm, Red Head and I watched a few Cosby episodes in bed while he ate dinner and I snacked on grapes. After that, all I remember is rocking in the glider in the nursery, Red Head playing the guitar for me, being on all fours in the nursery floor screaming in pain, and lots and lots more pain. The back labor continued, despite all my efforts to move the baby down and out of my back. My contractions were a pretty steady 7 minutes apart for a good number of hours. Then five minutes apart, when the normal woman would go to the hospital. I, however, was going to have a natural childbirth and thus I would be waiting at home until the contractions were two minutes apart. Well, after 7, then 5 minutes apart, they went straight to two minutes. And then I started freaking out.

As the contractions sped up and got closer together, I was terrified that we wouldn't make it to the hospital in time. Red Head started to get dressed and pack up the car, leaving me alone for a few minutes to handle the contractions on my own. That was the worst thing ever. I was in our bedroom, on all fours in the floor, grunting and maybe even screaming a little, digging my nails into the carpet, trying to get through each pain. But, even when the contraction was over, the back labor was still there. No, I mean absolutely no relief. It took me forever just to make it to the car and I kept thinking that I'd never make it to a hospital bed without the baby's head coming out. It wasn't that the contractions were that intense, but the back labor was. So, we began our five minute drive to the hospital at 11:00pm on July 21, with eight hours of easy labor and ten hours of very hard, active labor under our belts. I knew our baby would be born any moment.

Well, again, I was wrong...

As we pulled up to the hospital, the contractions got even more intense and I knew I must be in the transition stage of labor, where everything escalates and you go from seven to ten centimeters in dilation. I could hardly walk into the building so two kind strangers found me a wheel chair. I buried my face in my pillow while my husband did all the talking for me. Once we got checked in, we had to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes for a nurse to come take me back to a room. I sat in the wheelchair, in pain and scarred out of my mind, and looked around the room with a half closed eye. Families were in the waiting room, expectantly waiting to hear about their new granddaughter, brother, nephew or niece. I was struck by my own awkwardness. There I was writhing in pain and moaning! in a wheelchair while people sat there in the awkward dance of watching me and pretending not to watch me. Needless to say, I was trilled when the nurse came to get me.

Once in our room, Labor and Delivery Room 6, I was hooked up to all the monitors. Sure enough, I was in labor! The baby's heart rate was perfect and contractions were skyrocketing. This was it! As I settled in, though, the back labor only got worse. I couldn't find any relief. As a contraction would end, the back pain would only get worse. Suddenly, everything seemed to come down on me at once and I couldn't catch my breath. It was too much all at once. The contraction would start and I'd beat my hand against the bed rail or squeeze Red Head's hand until it almost broke. I needed a break, I needed to catch my breath. But, alas, it's called labor for a reason- it is the hardest work you will ever do in your entire life.

When the nurse came back in the check my progress, I mentally prepared myself to hear her say that I was complete and that it was time to have our baby. I never in my entire life ever could have expected what came out of her mouth. Three and a half centimeters.

What?!? Three and a half? I was two this morning! How could I have only progressed one and a half centimeters in eighteen hours of labor? No, it couldn't be right! Check again! But it was right. And then, I lost it. I became an emotional basketcase. Eighteen hours in and I was still hours and hours away from my baby being delivered. By 1:00am, after twenty hours of being awake and being in labor, I had had enough. I couldn't hold on any longer. I barely made it through the contractions, with only thirty seconds in between each one. I was hungry, tired, exhausted. More exhausted that I had ever been before. I was mentally worn down, and ready for someone to just cut my baby out of me. I couldn't go any longer.

At the end of my rope, I made a decision that I swore to myself that I would never make. I was the natural childbirth girl. I had preached and preached and shook my finger at more people that I knew. Natural childbirth was the only way to go. But for me, it wasn't going to be the way I went. Sometime between the hours of 1:00am and 3:00am, my doctor came in and I asked for the anesthesiologist.

I remember asking Red Head over and over again, "Are you disappointed in me? Are you disappointed in me?" His reply was always no, but I feared he was only giving me a brave face. I was beyond disappointed in myself. I had failed, hadn't I? I wanted everything done in a perfect way, and I was the weak link who messed everything up. Now I would be putting myself and my baby in needless harm's way all because the pain was too much to bear. Right or wrong, that's how I felt. I was a failure. I failed at the one thing that meant the world to me. And oh my, what would everyone else think of me? I would become a byword, a joke, an "I told you so" story. My pride was absolutely stripped away from me. Humbled does not begin to describe how I felt. And to be honest with you, I believe with all my heart that that was the Lord's doing.

No, I'm not saying that I think God made me take the drugs. That's silly. But if you know me personally at all, you know that I was MORE than prideful about natural childbirth. It became an identity for me. I lived it and breathed it. I spent hours everyday talking about it, thinking about it, researching it, preaching it. I looked down on those who didn't share my opinions. I was right, you were wrong. Natural childbirth is the only way to go if you love your baby at all... Yes, I was the worst kind of Pharisee. And in those hours of labor, the Lord brought me down in the hardest way possible. I cannot recall a time more recently in my life when I had been more humble than then. And to continue in my honesty, I'm so very glad. I'm so glad He humbled me. So glad He brought me down. So glad that He didn't let me continue in my prideful sin. So glad He moved in my heart while I laid on that hospital bed. I have no regrets now, I know He was in control the entire time. And the pain and everything that happened was His good will for me.

Once the anesthesiologist came in and sat me up to prep my back, the contractions and back labor worsened, and I could barely sit still through the pain. But, I did, and thirty minutes later, I was lying in bed, resting and finding relief. After the epidural, I went from 5 to 8 to 10 centimeters in the span of about four hours. It flew by. Suddenly, around seven am, the nurse came in to check me and YES! FINALLY! I was complete! It was time to push! My family left the room, while the doctor and my nurses came in to get everything ready. This was it! It was finally happening!

My sweet husband, who had been awake with me since the previous day when the contractions started, had only had a small amount of food and a large amount of coffee in the previous hours. That equaled a bad case of nausea for him. Moments before it was time to start pushing, he got the bucket so he could puke. Oh no, you don't! I was beyond nauseated and knew that if he went, I would too! Thankfully, as soon as I started pushing, his nausea ended and he got in the game. There was no way I could have done it without him!!

We pushed for thirty minutes, which included one break. It was the most surreal moment of my entire life. I literally felt like I was hovering above my own body, watching the entire scene unfold from a distance. It was incredible. When they checked me the last time, the doctor mentioned that the baby was "right there" and after two pushes, they moved the mirror over so that I could see my sweet baby's head coming out. Oh yes, he was right there! Seeing his head gave me the strength that I needed and with just a few more pushes, out he came. I saw something fly out between my legs and felt the strangest "bloop" in my stomach. And then, the most amazing sound I have ever heard. A cry. My baby's cry. My husband got to catch the baby and immediately I heard, "It's a boy!" A boy!! A boy!!! It's a boy! They put him across my stomach and there for the first time, I saw his face. The face of the person I had known so intimately for nine months and yet was a stranger to. And there he was. No longer in my stomach, but lying on top of it. Crying and crying. I reached out and touched his slimy, precious little body and my entire being melted. Love. Like I had never known could even exist. Love at first sight is possible, I know that now. Daddy cut his umbilical cord while I took in his face, his hands, his little body, every little part of him I studied. I heard Red Head say, "He has ten fingers and ten toes! He's perfect!" We sat there as a family of three while my husband and I balled our eyes out. I've never seen a more clear miracle in my whole life. Life had been made. And I was holding it in my own hands.

After a few moments of family bonding, the nurses took Baby Boy to be cleaned off, weighed, and measured. 7 pounds, 10 ounces. 20 3/4 inches long. A perfect baby boy. The nurses asked us what his name was and all we could do was laugh. He didn't have a name, we would have to discuss that. Baby Boy Woods was taken up to the nursery and Daddy escorted him. As everyone left the Delivery room, suddenly, I was alone. Alone. I hadn't been alone in nine months. It was terrifiying. My baby wasn't with me. I had no idea what to do. Thankfully, about twenty minutes later, the nurses came back in to clean me up and take me up to my new room. Once in my room, I anxiously awaited the arrival of my husband and our new son. I was able to find my cell phone and called him to see what the hold up was. I wanted to hold my baby! I was having withdrawls!

Apparently during delivery, Baby Boy swallowed a good bit of amniotic fluid which caused his oxygen saturation levels to be too low for them to release him back to me. So they watched him for an hour and a half until his levels rose. (They eventually had to take him back to the nursery to pump his stomach to get all the fluid out because he was having a hard time breathing and choking on it). After two hours of not seeing my new baby, they finally wheeled him in the room. A wave of relief flew over me. At last! Our family was all stuffed into my room, waiting to meet our baby for the first time but honestly, I didn't care about anyone- I just wanted to hold my baby. As everyone peered into his bassinet, oohing and cooing and taking loads of pictures, I made it very clear that I would be holding him first. Red Head placed our sweet baby in my arms, and the floodgates of tears opened. My baby. In my arms. Nothing could be sweeter.

While Baby Boy was in the nursery, Red Head and I talked on our cell phones about what we should name our baby. However, we never came to a definitive answer. Everyone kept asking, "What's his name? What's his name?" I kept saying "I don't know." They thought I was joking, that I just didn't want to tell them without Red Head being there. That was also true, but honestly, I didn't know what his name was! :) So, once the family had seen Baby Boy and mommy had cried all over him, I knew it was time for the poor thing to get a name! I asked my wonderful husband to christen Baby Boy with a name. "Tell everyone what his name is!" (I was dying to know, too!) My husband proudly pronounced, "Andrew James Woods, Jr." Yes!! A junior!! That's what I wanted all along! Woohoo!!

We spent the next two and a half days in the hospital recovering, spending time with friends and family, and getting to know Red Head Jr. It was the most perfect three days of my whole life. It was as if we were in a little bubble of love and joy where no bad or evil could creep in. It was beautiful. We brought Jr. home the following Saturday afternoon and every moment since then has been more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.

No, it didn't happen at all like I had planned. It wasn't like I expected. It was better. And I am grateful for how everything unfolded. It was exactly the way the Lord had planned for it to be. Andrew James Woods, Jr. came into our lives on Thursday, July 22, 2010 at 7:54 am, one day before his due date and after twenty-six hours of labor. He has been such a blessing to us for the past three weeks and six days. I am so grateful to be his mother and to have the blessing to watch this precious child grow up. He is such a blessing to our family. And yes, he has red hair. :)

P.S. My back was extremely sore for a week and a half after Red Head Jr's birth from the back labor. If you've ever experienced it before, you have my deepest condolensences. :)

A Pause from our Regularly Scheduled Events....

My Dearest Firstborn,

Sweet Jiji, today is July 15, 2010, just eight days away from your due date. To be honest, I thought that you would have already made your grand entrance by now. And to be even more honest, I feel like I am becoming more insane with every day that passes without your coming. In short, I am so very ready for you to enter this world.

I have been holding you since the day you were first created. Since the day two cells joined together and started making lots of little cells. I've held you everyday for the last nine months;  but for me, that isn't enough. I need more. I need to see your face, to look into your eyes, to kiss your cheeks, and hold you tightly in my arms. You and I know each other so well and yet at the same time we are still strangers. You know me (and my insides) in a way that no one else does. And I know you more than any other human in the world does right now. And yet, we have never met face to face. I don't know what or who you look like. Or even what gender you are! I don't know your personality, besides the fact that you love to kick, get hiccups all the time, and are a night owl like your daddy. I don't know what color your hair is, what color your eyes are, the shape and curves of your face. It's a mystery to me. You are a mystery to me. 

I think about you being knit inside of me, every little centimeter and inch of your growing body being carefully crafted by the Lord. It blows my mind. I remember the very first time I heard your heart beating. It was the most terrifying day of my life, I thought I was losing you. And then, in an instant, I heard your heart beating wildly at the doctors office. My life has never been the same since that day. I've never been the same. That's the day I became a mommy. That is the day I fell head over heels in love with you. Suddenly, you weren't just a thought anymore, you were real. So real. Flesh and blood with a heart that beat and beat and beat. My baby. I never expected you and yet now I cannot begin to imagine life without you. And I cannot even begin to imagine what life will be like when we finally meet face to face. Will you know me? Will you know that I'm your mom? Will you recognize your daddy's voice? You know him, he is the sweet and silly one who sings and talks to you all the time. I hope you recognize us and find comfort in our arms. I hope you know how much you are loved the instant that you meet us. I hope you are overwhelmed with love. 

There are so many things that I want for you, sweet baby. I want you to learn. I want to teach you all about the Lord and the Word and the world and life and all there is to know. I want to tell you who Jesus is, what He did for you , and how He loves you more than I could ever dream to. I want to open the Bible to your little eyes and heart, sharing all the stories and Truth that the Lord gave us. I want you to see the stories leap off the page and into your imagination and heart, transforming your heart of stone into a heart of flesh who knows that there is no life without the Lord and the grace of Calvary. I want your life to be passionately about following after Him, abandoning everything else to seek Him. I know that may mean that He may take you away from me one day. He might send you to a country or land far away for His glory's sake, and although I cannot begin to imagine that, I hope you always know to follow His leading and not mom's. His ways are higher and greater. His dreams for you are even bigger than my dreams for you. And He will love you and protect you and care for you in a way that even mommy can't. Remember, He created you, not me. 

I want to teach you colors and numbers and letters. I want to watch your eyes as you figure things out. I want to see your world grow and expand every day as your little brain grows and grows and stores more knowledge. I want to help you with your homework, your reports, teach you to read, teach you to make your bed and brush your own teeth. I want to teach you how to type, how to grow vegetables, how to bake a cake for your dad. I want to teach you to honor your father and to respect elders. I want to teach you another language (although Daddy may not like me teaching you Russian). I want to share your dreams and your delights. I want to be your best friend and your mentor. I want to be your cuddle buddy, your security blanket, your mommy. I want to hold you, kiss you, squeeze you, make you feel better when you are hurt or sick. I want to show you that you will never be alone in this world. I want you to watch me and Daddy. I want you to see how much we love each other and learn from us what marriage and fellowship mean so that one day you can find love for yourself. I want you to watch us and see that faith is real every day, not just on Sundays. I want you to see us fail so that you can learn what it means to forgive, to repent, and to rely on God's grace and mercy. I want you to watch your father and learn what a man of God really looks like. I want you to see his example and either live up to it (if you are a boy) or to seek a mate like that one day (if you are a girl). 

I want your daddy to teach you how to memorize Scripture, how to love the Word passionately, how to play the guitar and piano. How to love people and enjoy fellowship with others. How to play basketball and ping pong. How to style red hair (if you happen to have red hair), how to be a faithful friend, and how to love unconditionally. I know that Daddy is going to be your best friend. He is definitely the better of the two of us. I cannot wait to see him hold you for the first time, I think it will be one of the best days of my whole life. He is going to teach you so much and love you so much that I don't even have the words to express it with! He's already crazy about you and he can't wait to hold you himself. I hope you know that your daddy is a picture of God's love for you. Your daddy loves you so much, would do anything to protect you and to see you grow, and he is here to teach, lead, and when necessary, correct you. When you see your Daddy's love for you, know that God's love for you is even bigger, even better, even more perfect. I bet you won't even be able to imagine that! 

I hope you like the home we have set up. We worked hard to get it ready in time for your arrival. Daddy worked so hard to paint your room and bathroom (and the whole house!). I painted you a mural on your wall, a tree with a monkey in it. I hope you like it. Your granddaddy made your changing table. It's beautiful. And your Aunt Emily got you that glider so that we could have somewhere nice to have our 3 am feedings and story times. And your grandmomma got you the bedding you will be sleeping on. Its cute, I hope you like it. I put a teddy bear in your crib, it is one that your daddy gave me. His name is Drew Bear, and I know that he will take care of you and comfort you just like he did for me.

There are so many people that love you, sweet Jiji. So many people that can't wait to meet you. Your Aunt Amanda is ready to evict you from your current womb because she is dying to meet you face to face. And your Cousin Nathan can't wait to play with you. Oh my, you have a lot of cousins already: Jacob, Caleb, Joshua, David, Elly, Zech, Blake, Brittany, Michael, Matthew, Maddy, and Nathan. You will have plenty of friends to play with! We will go visit your Uncle Ken and Aunt Shannon down in Atlanta and go swimming at Uncle Eric and Aunt Amanda's house. I'm sure your Aunt Marie will be babysitting you all the time and spoiling you rotten. And if she doesn't, I know for a fact that your four grandparents will spoil you rotten like you can't even believe. They all love you so much and are so ready to meet you. 

Sweet baby, I am so ready to meet you and I hope you decide to come soon. I know it could be up to three more weeks before we meet face to face, but I'm hoping that you will make it sooner. I love you so very much and I am so anxious to see your face for the first time and hold you in my arms. Daddy and I love you and always will. I hope you know that will never change, we will always love you and we will always be here for you- your biggest fans and best friends. 

Come, soon, sweet Jiji. Mommy's ready. 

Love,

Your Mom

Act III

You would have thought that my pride would have been smashed, demolished, obliterated. I had committed a failure of epic proportions. I had facebook friended Red Head before we had actually ever introduced ourselves. And guess what? For all the good points facebook has, one thing it doesn't have is how to "un-friend" someone before they respond to you. So, I was stuck. I imagined Red Head logging onto the internet, checking his email and facebook, finding wall posts and random event invitations, and... a friend request from a secret admirer who forgot the whole SECRET part! You would have thought my pride would have gone straight down the drain right then and there. But then....

wow i didn't even know your name, you're quick. i see you like Jesus. nice! im glad i asked you a question. God really does work in mysterious ways

He. Wrote. On. My. Facebook. Wall. Red Head. He actually accepted my friendship (miracle of all miracles!) and instead of running away screaming and hiding, he wrote on my wall! When I think about it, I can still feel the buzz of adrenaline and excitement when the little email notification told me that Red Head himself had written on my wall. I poured over the little blurb. I read and reread it a million times until I had it memorized. He wrote to me. He knew I existed. Little did we both realize how the Lord works in such mysterious ways. I thought I was just helping God by being a stalker. But, no. I was playing a part in the precious, beautiful plan He had already written for my life. 

So, he had written me. What was I supposed to do? Write him back? Pretend to be aloof? Well, you know me... I had to write him back. 

ha, i've got sweet detective skills. no, i actually just saw you in a picture with my friends jon and kaitlyn. i see you like Jesus, too! that's awesome, i am pretty fond of Him. so, were you as worried by the test speech today as i was? i've got to admit i'm a bit intimidated!

Ha. I was a big fat liar. Yes, I did see him in a picture with my friends. AFTER I stalked his facebook page. Sweet detective skills? I guess you could call it that. Pathetic, would be another word for it. But, alas, I was a little puppy dog for that boy. 

We wrote back to each other once more about the upcoming test and then that was it. I saw him at class the next week, we said hi, and then nothing. Silence. He didn't sit by me like I thought he would. He didn't wait to talk to me after class. He just walked out like his life hadn't changed since meeting me. Ouch, maybe it hadn't ....

Going back to class once more, I chalked up the whole thing to just a silly girl's dream of a gorgeous Red Head and a few too many hormones raging inside her mind. If he wasn't going to make a move to even talk to me or get to know me, clearly I didn't need to waste any more of my time on the matter. It stung, but I knew better than to be the pathetic puppy dog lovesick girl one minute longer. So, I let it go. I could enjoy the sight of God's creation- Red Head's chiseled face, tall frame, and luscious hair- but not let it make me go weak in the knees anymore. Well, truthfully, there wasn't much I could do about the whole "weak in the knees" thing, but I could totally stop myself from staring and drooling. So, that was the end. I was done....

... Until he stopped me after class to talk. We stood outside of our lecture hall as people passed by us, in between us, and seemed to buzz all around us. But he was the only one I saw in the hall that day. I remember hearing people all around us, but he was the only other person in the whole world that afternoon. We talked and talked and talked like we had known each other forever. He told me about his upcoming mission trip to a country in Central Asia. I told him about my plans to go to the Southern Baltic region for two weeks that summer on a mission trip. We seemed to bond instantly. There were so many things to talk about. In fact, as we stood in the hall talking, I never even realized that time was passing so fast. There I was, talking to Red Head. It was magical. I felt giddy and light and free and completely nervous. But I also felt a strange peace inside, one I couldn't put my finger on. It felt... right. But what on earth did that mean?

We talked straight though to the next class period. Oops! I was late for my next lecture! As I tried not to freak out about missing the beginning of class (See, Mom! I didn't always like skipping class! Red Head was a bad influence on me. Haha, just kidding!), I realized that Red Head was inviting me to something. "Wait, what did you say?" He had invited me to NoonDay, a free lunch held every Friday at the Baptist Collegiate Ministry on campus. I told him I had to work and I wasn't sure if I could make it, but that I would try to get off in order to come. Lame, huh? "Hey boss, can I take off work early for the afternoon to go eat a free lunch with a total hunk? Thanks! Oh, and what about a raise?"

He gave me all the info for the Friday lunch and then gave me his phone number so that I could call him with any questions or to let him know if I wouldn't be able to make it. Ok, was this guy just being a super awesome and friendly brother in Christ? Or was he interested in me? Or both? I totally couldn't tell but I desperately wanted to find out more. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get off work for the lunch that week. I sent Red Head a text message to let him know and he was very kind about it. Very polite. Very proper. I was sure that I had just given up my one and only chance with the guy. But again, the Lord had other plans. 

The next Friday, I was able to get off work for the afternoon, so I made my way to the BCM to find Red Head. Of course, I was too much of a chicken to go by myself and thankfully, my precious friend Laura came with me. Once we got there, no sign of Red Head. We got in line to get our food, still no sign of Red Head. We found some friends to sit with, and still- no sign of Red Head. And then, there he was. I saw the back of his head (hair that red is very easy to spot!) and watched as he turned around to look at me. Life was suddenly in slow motion. He caught my gaze, flashed that gorgeous smile at me, and gave me a little half wave. YES! He still knew I existed. Life was good. 

After we got done eating lunch, Laura and I made our way around the BCM, socializing and catching up with friends. I walked from table to table saying hi to all my friends, and then, just like a movie, I turned around only to find myself face to face with Red Head. 

Suddenly, he seemed very shy. He was more quiet than usual. Less talkative. But the few words that he did say were monumental to me. He invited me, ME!, to hang out with him and his friends the following evening. A movie, dinner, and then games. Oh, yes, he definitely knew I existed. And can you guess what my answer was?

To be continued...

Act II

Since I had abstained from any boy-craziness over the past year and since I had absolutely no idea who Red Head was, I thought it best to be cautious and slow. Aka- don't throw myself at him. If anything was ever going to happen, if we were ever going to meet, I wanted him to be the one to make the first move. I did not want to meet him under the pretense of my own longings, but because he wanted to meet me as well. So, I devised a plan. If he was going to sit on the front row, then I would commit social suicide and do the same, risking being seen as a nerd. But hey, I thought he was worth it. I wouldn't make the first move for him but I would put myself in close enough proximity for him to notice and talk to me. I thought my plan was genius. So, the next class period, I sat about four seats down from where he sat the previous class. And, just like clockwork, he came in, sat down in the same seat, and immediately took my breath away. I was amazed at how his presence could do that. Just sitting five feet from him got my heart beating like I was on a roller coaster. And you know what? It was just fun. 

It turns out that sitting in such close proximity to such a hunk didn't do much for my attention span. The geek inside of me wanted so much to pay attention to the awesome lecture we had the privilege of sitting under. I wanted to listen, wanted to soak in all I could to learn this interesting subject (and effectively make an A in the class) but how could I focus on a Supreme Court ruling when the most gorgeous creature in the world sat only a few feet from me? I was pitiful. During the entire lecture, I spent my time staring at his shoes, his backpack, and occasionally I would build up enough courage to sneak a quick peek at his face, which would then turn my own face into a flaming red ball of embarrassment. 

I had it bad. 

Luckily, for the sake of my GPA, Red Head started skipping class. He would come every now and then, make me miss an entire lecture, and then walk out like he hadn't just sent a tornado of emotions right through the small, unsuspecting town of my heart. As the semester wore on, he started coming to class less and less. And eventually, I stopped missing him when he didn't make it to class. I stopped thinking about him on my long drives home. And then, it was like I completely forgot all about him... until the end of the semester, when he decided it was time to come back to class. 

I still remember the day he came back. He walked in with those same light colored jeans, a polo shirt, and the same leather shoes on. As he walked in, I looked up, caught a glance, and suddenly, all the weeks of wishing came back with a vengeance. Just seeing him was enough to reduce me to a puddle. I was a sad little puppy dog...

I sat in the same hard, uncomfortable theater-style chair that I had been in the entire semester. I tried diligently to read through some of the court cases we had been going through. That didn't work. I couldn't hold my attention on anything except the fact that Red Head, that gorgeous creature, was now sitting mere feet away from me again. And then, in the heat of desperation, I made my first attempt to find out anything I could about this boy. 

The professor called the roll. Name after name, I sat in expectation. Waiting. He went through the As, the Bs, the Cs, then to my name in the Ds. Name after name and Red Head never flinched. Never moved. Was he not on the roll? What was the problem? Did I miss him saying, "Here!" ?? And then- a breakthrough. At last! The Ws. The teacher called a final name and Red Head quietly said the first word I ever heard come out of his mouth, "Here!" This may sound pitiful, but if you have ever been in love, you will surely understand. Hearing that one little word pour forth from his lips was like music to my ears. His voice was deep, soft, full of base, and just so smooth. It was music music music. And, finally, I knew his name. And it was the most perfect name I'd ever heard. The kind of name I wanted to pass down to my children. He needed a Junior to be named after him, the name was just too perfect to leave in the past. It rang like music in my ears. And you know what is funny? His first name was the exact same name of the perfect man I always dreamed of marrying in my head. It was my favorite boy name. And this was just too good to be true. 

That day, after two more classes, I went home and straight the computer, pulling up facebook as fast as my DSL would allow. It wasn't fast enough. I was frantic. I needed to know who this person was. I would look him up, probably see that he had a girlfriend or that he was a frat boy or some crazy party guy. But really, I knew he wasn't. If my intuition were right, I would find out that he was even more perfect that I had already made him up in my mind. I was right. 

Yes, I stalked Red Head on facebook. I found his page, skimmed through the About Me section and found a man who was in love with the Lord in a real and beautiful way. His music and movie choices were slightly different than mine, but were more than acceptable. And even better? We had a lot of mutual friends. A lot. So I wondered, how did I not already know this boy? How had I never met him before? I was a little ticked at my friends for never bringing Red Head around for me to meet. But, alas, I knew his name, and blessing beyond blessing- he was single and loved the Lord! At this point, the story was over for me. I needed him to marry me. But wait, I wanted to be single, didn't I? What about all my plans to be a single woman on the mission field? Just like always, the plans that I gave the Lord for my life weren't the same that He had in mind for me. And thus, my plans and ideas unraveled more and more every time I saw and thought about Red Head. 

The next class period, I sat in my usual seat and in walked Red Head, picking the seat just three down from me. I think I remember sweat pouring out of me at maximum speeds. I was nervous beyond words. He was so close. And me, the little puppy dog- I was becoming a nervous pool of sweat. It was bad. And then..... life changed.... again. 

I was doing all I could to read through the Constitutional Amendments in an attempt to keep my eyes from wandering over to Red Head. Hey, I didn't want him to know that I was facebook stalking him, and lets face it, totally entranced by him. I didn't want to scare him away! And by all means, I didn't want him to see the drool inexplicably dribbling down my mouth when I caught a glimpse of his face. Oh, I was a goner! 

So, I sat there, pretending to be reading some amendment, and then I heard it- his voice. That sweet music to my ears. I let the deep soulful voice wash over me, practically bathing in how beautiful it was, until fear struck me. Wait! Who was he talking to? Oh no, was he talking to ME?!?! I looked over at him, and yep, he was talking to me. Oh no! Had he seen my ridiculous face when he first spoke to me? Did he see the drool? Did facebook tell him that I had stalked his page? Wait, what did he say?

He had asked me about the impending test. Had I started studying for it yet? Its funny how I can remember so many things about our first meeting, but I have no idea what I said to his question. All I remember is that I was so tongue-tied that I couldn't even make words come out for a few horrifying moments. He had made me speechless. And if you know me personally, you'll that that was a first for me. I'm never speechless. I always have too many things to say! 

He spoke to me. And I answered something back. I mumbled. I tripped over my words. It was sad. But he had spoken to me. He knew I existed! We said nothing to one another after that. Silence filled the air. But my heart lept with joy. I had talked to Red Head. I was giddy. And then I went home and did something ridiculous. I "friended" him on facebook. The only problem? We had never introduced ourselves to one another in the few words we had exchanged. I wasn't supposed to know his name...oops! 

To be continued...

There are some days that you know will leave a big impact in your life. The day you graduate from high school. Your first day of college. The day you get a job. The day you lose a job. Whatever it is for you, you know the days that I'm talking about. Then there are those few days in your life that drastically and dramatically change your life forever. Well, I want to tell you a little story about one of those days for me... 

I was a second semester Junior at the University of Memphis, majoring in Marketing Management. The semester began just as all the other ones had before it- short first days of class as the teacher passed out the syllabus and went over the class content, expectations, rules, grading, etc. I was completely at home and relaxed in the Fogelman College of Business and Economics. I had been there since the second half of my Freshman year so I was familiar with the classroom I was headed to, although I had never been in the small, theater-style lecture hall. The class was Legal, Social and Political Environments of Business. I walked in, went the the third or fourth row and sat in the middle. The professor walked in, Larry Moore, J.D., a lawyer who had even written his own textbook for the class so I knew already he meant business (haha, no pun intended). But before the lecture ever began, life changed. In just a moment, in an instant, my whole world changed... and I didn't even know it. It is still one of the most vivid memories of my whole life. I sat in the hard, uncomfortable wooden chair in the lecture hall and glanced up as the people walked into the room one by one. I quickly tired of the people watching, but then something caught my eye. The reddest hair I had ever seen. A young man walked into the room with a navy fleece jacket, light blue jeans, brown leather shoes and a black backpack. I was mesmerized. My mouth hung open and my heart skipped at least three beats. He was gorgeous. Although I must admit that one of the first things I thought about this young man went something like this- "He looks like a freshman, though. How could he get into an upper level class? Oh, he must be smart! Ah, gorgeous and smart!!" Yes, I am a nerd. And I've always wanted to pass the best genes on to my children. :) 

So in walks the vision of beauty and guess where he sits? The front row. As a self-proclaimed nerd, I know only nerds sit in the front row. Heck, I wouldn't even sit in the front row, it was too nerdy for me! But there he sat and I stared at the back of his head for the whole class. Although I wanted to listen and pay attention to the genius professor that I was lucky to have as a professor, it was almost impossible. There the Red Head sat and his presence beckoned my stares. 

From the first moment, I was hooked. 

The year preceding up to that day had been one fraught with heartache and learning lessons the hard way. You see, just a year before that fateful day, I had been dumped, left, abandoned in a somewhat long-distance relationship. I had set my affections and hope upon a young soldier who eventually decided that the distance or just the effort wasn't worth it.  I never got any answers or any real closure and so I did what any broken hearted girl would do in such a situation, I hardened up. I decided right then and there that I was done with silly boys and silly broken hearts. I had too many important things to do in life and I didn't need a man to get them accomplished. I could go to the mission field alone. I could be one of those inspiring single women out in the plains of Africa, living every day in reckless abandonment for the Lord. No, I didn't need a man. And I didn't want one. I would learn to be completely content on my own. However, every night I went to sleep lonely and afraid of always feeling that loneliness down deep in my soul. Somehow, someway, I knew I wasn't meant to be alone. But I wasn't ready to face that fact. So I made a pact with myself- no boys for one year. I was only twenty. And despite an occasional crush here and there that I never acted upon, I kept that pact with myself. For a whole year and then some! That fateful day rolled around just a two months later. Funny how the Lord's timing works, huh? 

But, I digress, back the lecture hall. The class ended, Red Head walked out, and I left the classroom in a cloud. I didn't mention him to anyone. I knew it sounded ridiculous. Me, the one who had sworn off boys, just lost her mind over one red headed boy. I didn't even like red heads, they weren't my type, never had I been attracted to them. I liked dark hair and dark eyes. Or blond hair and blue eyes. (Honestly, I liked anything with a cute face. Let's face it, I was shallow!) But one look at the guy's face, his tall, lanky build, the beautiful deep red hair had suddenly and forever changed my life. I knew nothing about him. His name, his age, who he was, if he was a Christian, if he had a police record, if he was an axe murderer or if he was already taken. And there was one other thing I didn't yet realize- I was suddenly taken. Off the market. End of story. 

I don't believe in love at first sight. I didn't know the guy at all. But there is one thing that I do know all the way deep into my bones. I knew, knew, knew that life would never be the same after that day. Some quiet little corner of my heart was screaming as loud as it could that this boy was the one I had been waiting for since the day I heard my first love story, since the day the prince fell in love with Cinderella, since the day my Ken doll married my Barbie doll. I had been waiting on him for twenty-one years. And at the most common time in the most common place, my life became very uncommon, all because one boy walked through the door of a lecture hall and straight into my heart. 

To be continued....

Birth Plan for Baby Woods

The following is my birth plan. Yes, I made a birth plan. My favorite quote is, "If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail." It's my birthing experience and although there are so many factors that I cannot control, I should be allowed to have some say in how I want the experience to progress.

Names have been edited out to protect the innocent. :)


Birth plan for ----
Dr. ----
Methodist Germantown Hospital
EDD: July 23, 2010

Attendants and Amenities:
1. I would like my friends and family to be able to come into the room during the early stages of labor. However, once the pain increases, I would like for them to leave, with only my mother, ---, my sister, ----, and my husband, ----, staying with me.
2. After I go through the transition stage and it gets close to time to push, the only non-medical person I want in the room is my husband, ---.
3. I would like to be able to play soft music during the labor process but then have it turned off once it is time to push.
4. I would like for the lights to be dimmed while I am preparing to push and during pushing.
5. I would like to have several pillows to prop up my back and my legs.
6. I would like for my husband, ---, to be able to take pictures and video during the labor process but then have any other available attendant help with picture taking afterwards.
7. I would like for my husband, --- to be able to stay with me at all times.
8. I would like to wear my contact lenses throughout the birthing process, unless I need to have a c-section.
9. I would like to be able to have clear fluids throughout the birthing process unless it is medically advised that I not do so.

Pain Relief:
10. I would like to be able to move and walk around as I choose during the early stages to cope with the pain.
11. As long as the baby and I are fine, I would like to be allowed to progress without any stringent time limits.
12. I would like to have a natural, vaginal birth with no pain medication or unnecessary medical interventions.
13. Please do not offer me any pain medications unless I specifically request them.
14. If I am struggling with nausea, I will request something to aid in easing that discomfort.
15. I would like for my husband to be able to coach me throughout the birthing process and to be allowed to massage my back as needed.

Labor:
16. When it is time to push, I would like to be coached on how long to push but also be allowed to push instinctively as my body instructs me.
17. As long as the baby and I are fine, I would like to be able to push without any stringent time limits.
18. I would like to be allowed to touch the baby’s head as it crowns.
19. I would prefer to risk a tear rather than have a routine episiotomy. However, I trust Dr. ---and if he thinks I need one, I am completely open to discussing that.

Postpartum:
20. Once the baby is born, I would like to hold it right away, putting off any procedures that aren’t absolutely urgent.
21. I would like to try to breastfeed as soon as possible.
22. I would like to have a nurse or lactation consultant help me with the first latch on.
23. I would like to have time to take pictures with my husband and new baby.
24. I would like for the umbilical cord to have time to stop pulsating before it is clamped.
25. I would like for my husband, ---, to cut the cord.

If it is medically necessary that I have a C-Section:
26. I would like my husband, ---, to be present at all times during the operation.
27. I would like the screen to be slightly lowered so that I can see the baby coming out.
28. I would like the baby to be given to my partner as soon as he or she is dried off (as long as the baby is in good health).
29. I would like to breastfeed as soon as possible in the recovery room.

After delivery:
30. I would like all the newborn procedures to take place in my presence.
31. I would like my husband, ---, to stay with the baby at all times if I cannot be there.
32. I would like to have a cot or couch bed provided for my husband, ---.
33. I would like to breastfeed exclusively.
34. I would like to feed my baby on a schedule.
35. I would like 24-hour rooming in with my baby.
36. If my baby is a boy, I would like him circumcised at the hospital.
37. I would like ample time for my husband and I to bond with the baby before we invite family members in.


Look at numbers 12-14. Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that I want to have a birth free from pain medications but that I am completely free and even inviting nausea medication. If there is one thing in life I absolutely cannot handle, it's nausea and vomiting. Pain? Sure. Nausea? Over my dead body. :)

Home Sweet Home

So…. The last you heard from me, I was singing and jumping up and down uncontrollably because we finally got a closing date on the house. Well, here is what has happened in our neck of the Woods since then: (pun totally intended)

We closed on our new house last Monday, just four days before we had to be out of our rental. Wow, that was crazy. Thankfully, we are VERY blessed to have such a wonderful support system. Family and friends have helped us almost every day since then and we have gotten so much accomplished in just a week and a half. Red Head and my father have pretty much demolished the whole house and are currently building it back up again, making it look amazing and brand new. It looks like a completely different house! So, now that this house officially belongs to us (and the mortgage company) we have had fun recreating all the best HGTV moments. In most of the house, there was 20 year old wallpaper attached directly to the sheet rock, with another layer of wallpaper over that, and then a coat of paint on top of that! Yes, we dug and scrapped and steamed all the way to the dry wall. Then it was time for puttying, sanding, priming, and finally painting. So far, the wonderful team has almost finished three rooms: the kitchen, den, and master bedroom. Pictures to come soon, I promise!

Thankfully, my parents have been extremely helpful in the whole moving and destructing process. There have been so many days that I just want to come home and relax but with boxes everywhere, my type-a personality just can’t relax. That’s when momma comes to the rescue! She has come over so much to help me go through boxes, organize, clean, and get the rooms presentable and usable. THANKS MOM!!! And my dad has just been an absolute beast! He and Red Head have done so much hard, back breaking work that I am going to have to repay them with yummy goodies for the rest of my life!

Last Sunday, April 25th, Red Head and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary and three year anniversary of being together. Wow. Talk about amazing. It feels like just yesterday Red Head asked me to be his girlfriend and now here we are, a year of marriage under our belts, with a new home and baby on the way. Everything seems like it was just yesterday: he just proposed yesterday, just yesterday I walked down the aisle to him, just yesterday we found out we were pregnant. I guess I’m finally at that age where time is just flying by. So fast. The weeks are just gone before they feel like they ever get really started. Our anniversary was a wonderful time to celebrate the Lord’s faithfulness to us and how He has guided us in our relationship for the past three years. I can honestly say that I love my husband more today than I did a year ago when we said I do. I love him more than I ever imagined I could love anyone. And I am daily blown away that he chose me to be his wife, partner and life companion. He could have had anyone but he chose me. I am truly blessed to be called by his name and to be under his shade tree of protection. He is an absolutely incredible man and I thank my God every time I remember him (Philippians 1:4).

We celebrated our anniversary with a trip downtown to visit The Spaghetti Warehouse, one of my all time favorite restaurants. Amazing. Even better- we had a buy one get one free entrée coupon. In my book, there is nothing more romantic than saving money. J I was able to get Red Head a ping pong table for our big day. Boy, was he excited! Believe me, you have never seen someone love the thrill of table tennis more than my Red Head. And if you are looking for some competition, you’re more than welcome to come to the ping pong dungeon of doom (aka- our garage). However, you will probably lose when you face my husband. He’s good. Really good.

As previously discussed, Red Head and I had long ago made a pact that we would have our school loan paid off by our one year anniversary. The week of, we were a little over $8,000 still in the hole. Well, on April 25th, we sent in a cashier’s check with the remaining balance to the government (and then closed on our house the next day!). That’s right, we are DEBT FREE!!!!!! Praise the Lord! This has been such a HUGE learning experience for me. It has really shown me that when we seek to honor the Lord with our finances, He blesses us in return. How do I know this for sure? Because we are living proof! We paid off over $16,000 in about ten months. We don’t make a lot of money. We didn’t live like paupers. We gave freely to others. And more was freely given back to us. The lesson learned? Like my husband keeps telling me every time a paycheck lands in the bank, “We gotta get rid of a bunch of this money.” Give freely. And I promise the Lord will take care of you and supply ALL your needs. Don’t believe me? I dare you to try it yourself. Give when you don’t have much to give. Give more than you feel comfortable with. Then sit back and watch what He does!

Speaking of finances and moving, I now have space to store all of my coupon shopping treats. I have accumulated a pretty big amount of toiletries and other things from couponing that I have either got for free or for pretty stinking cheap. Well, now my hall bathroom has a large, spacious closet so I’ve set up shop! Need toiletries? Come to my house and I will let you browse my store. J And for the record, my husband will never again need razors. I have him stocked up for life. But how awesome is that feeling when you can buy expensive razors and razor heads for 99 cents?!? I love the thrill of saving. Up next for my couponing? Dollar General. I stopped in a new one last night before meeting my family for dinner, and wow, I’m in love. It’s like I’ve just found this whole new money saving resource and I can’t wait to jump in and start saving. Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am addicted to coupons and saving money.

Tomorrow we start childbirth classes which I am sooo excited about. It is a two hour class every Thursday night for seven weeks. I also completed my birth plan (which I will post later). It is HARD to believe that our sweet baby will be here in just eleven and half more weeks. It seems like these last six months have just FLOWN by! Pretty soon, we’ll be holding our precious baby!

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Enjoy this beautiful, sun-shiny Memphis weather!